I Knew Better. So Why Wasn't I Parenting Better?

Before I became a parent coach, I was already a school counselor.

I had studied counseling and human development and spent years working with children and families. When my two boys were young, I felt pretty confident in the way I was raising them.

Then I had my daughter.

Suddenly, I was parenting three young children, and I felt completely outnumbered. My patience became shorter. I was overwhelmed more easily. I found myself losing my temper in ways that didn’t feel like me.

And the hardest part was—I knew better.

I knew what children needed developmentally. I understood the importance of emotional safety and connection. Yet I could still get angry over a spilled drink, yell when my kids didn’t listen the first time, or use guilt without even realizing it.

Then COVID came, and life felt even more outside of my control. Under stress, I noticed myself falling back on what was familiar: patterns from my upbringing, expectations about how children should behave, and the instinct to control the behavior instead of getting curious about what was underneath it.

That’s when I began to understand something that would eventually change my parenting and my work:

Knowing better doesn’t always mean we can do better when we’re triggered.

I also realized that raising boys brought challenges I hadn’t anticipated. I grew up with sisters, and as my sons got older, I had to become more curious about their world instead of parenting only from what felt familiar to me.

Eventually, my question changed.

Instead of asking, How do I get my children to behave differently?

I started asking: What is happening inside of me when their behavior feels so difficult?

That question led me to deeper work around conscious parenting, nervous system regulation, and the patterns we carry from our own childhoods.

It also led me to become a parent coach.

Not because I had mastered parenting—but because I realized how much of parenting is about our own willingness to look inward.

I still get triggered. I still have moments I wish I’d handled differently. But now I understand that the goal isn’t perfection.

It’s noticing sooner. Regulating when we can. Repairing when we don’t. And reconnecting again and again.

I try to give myself more grace because I know conscious parenting isn’t about getting every moment right. It’s about being willing to grow alongside our children, one imperfect moment at a time.